(via goodwillintheworld)

dallestelle:

“Oh wait, we’re already doing that.”

Hahaha So sad and true.

christianljb:

It’s funny, ‘cause it’s true

I’m not super sad tonight but this made me laugh so much. And they’re right: It is funny because it’s true haha

Home after a girls night out (I was tempted to write “a good girls night out” but laughed at all the implications. But seriously, we are all really good in every way).

I thoroughly enjoyed myself but I hate this awkward time when I am home, alone, and no one really cares.

I’m going to die alone. I’m sure of it. Maybe not alone but surrounded by my fifteen cats and one dog. This is going to happen because I spend too much time on the internet looking at cats and dogs already, the process is already in motion… Too bad you can’t order them from amazon, what with prime shipping I’d go from no companions to several in just two days!

There is a lot of love in this body/soul combo. Just have to find someone to give it to…

I am a mess. Talking about things that I don’t quite know about has made me second guess my life. I feel as though I have slid back 8 months and I am standing in square one saying “Not this again”. I have to take the time to figure things out for myself, maybe I’ll take the summer. I’ll try to date and have fun but this question still lingers in the back of my head… It is this conflict between my soul and my body. I feel as though I could love anyone because what is gender? It is nothing in comparison to who a person is, who their spirit is. But I find the practice of that to be the hardest thing in the world. To love without gender feels impossible to me. Stuck in my own little paradox.

I suppose if I had a girlfriend, if I wasn’t living where I do and if I wasn’t as closeted there wouldn’t be this confusion. But the situation isn’t different and here I am. I wish life was better outlined so I could make decisions without hesitation yet I suppose we all want that. I still find myself infinitely jealous of those who are open, who are sure, of all sexual orientations, there is a freedom there that I don’t have but I want it so badly. I wish I was finished with this path of finding myself. Self-discovery takes time and I often wonder “Who is out here with me? Who can I talk to?”

What a week. What a day already. Pretty sure that I failed an exam but feel that doesn’t reflect what I have learned in the class. Considering it is a language, a dead one at that, I still feel good about what I know and what I am learning. Albeit this is a call to my brain and body that the rest of the semester will be filled with no social activities and more library. But that’s okay, really.

Oddly enough, despite my need to cut out social obligations and up my studying, I am (sadly) desperate for a girlfriend. Maybe not desperate but it’s a longing feeling. I was reading other girl’s posts about the same thing and thought to myself, ‘damn! that is how I feel too”. I’m too busy for someone else right now but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want a great relationship anyway. I’m also too closeted for that here really (Being in the closet is getting on my last nerve).

Another problem that has cropped up is that a friend of a friend wants to set me up on a date with some other friend. A guy. I honestly do not want to “date” a guy. I do know it’ll be fun (because there is no point in it being awkward because a mormon first date has NO pressure) but he’ll be instantly friends-listed if he is cool. My nonexistent dating life is already complicated without casually dating to keep up appearances that I’m straight…

But it is Friday and it is finally the end of the week. No need to worry about anything today, I’m ready to party!

Someday in the future, this will play and I’ll think of my partner. Oh someday!

bexxca:

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” -The Dalai Lama

Trying to find my inner peace today…

I don’t have a valentine this year but I’ve got a lot of love! I feel so lucky to have friends and family that care so much about me and I about them. Life would be much less fun without them in it. So here’s to you all! XOxo

(via ldslesbian)